God, are you there?

I have never been a religious person growing up nor have I been one as an adult. My dad was always really religious as I was growing up – praying daily, visiting the temple on special occasions or on a monthly basis, educating me on his beliefs of Buddha. He used to visit some spiritual person all the way in Tacoma every other week to seek for advice, answers, good vibes, etc. But I just never caught on to it. Don’t get me wrong – I believe there is some sort of higher power up there guiding us through life. But who knows what or who is up there?

I do realize that I speak to God every day. Yes, GOD. But, is God really the “person” I am speaking to? Whomever is listening up there knows all my business though. Sometimes it may seem like I’m talking to myself because I speak out loud if I am alone at home or in my car. Sometimes I don’t realize that I’m just rambling on, venting, seeking for answers, asking question after question. But yet, nobody is speaking back to me. Maybe that’s why I do it so often. I do admit though, that I do not know much about God. I just feel like He/She is up there, listening to me vent about life, current situations, my feelings… and He/She allows me to do it because they know I need it.

Sometimes I cry, scream, become angered because I don’t have answers or I have TOO many questions or emotions running through me – much more than I can handle. I’m a pretty emotional person, a Pisces to be exact. And if you know your Pisces, then you understand we are just naturally emotional humans. Scary, I know. There are moments where I wish I had answers and I wish someone would reply back to me out loud. I need that sometimes, ya know?

But do you ever find yourself stuck in a rut or perhaps you just need to vent without anyone answering back to you? Sometimes you want to talk about your blessings too! It doesn’t always have to be about things that bother you. But I seek for “someone” with no opinions or questions, someone that isn’t judgmental. Yes, we have friends for that reason but really, sometimes it’s not enough or it’s not what we really want. That’s where God pulls through. The greatest thing I’ve learned about myself recently is… it’s OKAY to vent out loud. It’s okay to release your emotions with your words. Walk into an empty room or take a drive and just release whatever it is you have on your mind.

Doing so really does help. It helps ease the pain or anger a bit. It helps with happiness when you speak of your blessings. At times, it’ll give you answers you were searching for – good and bad. It may not be 100% of what you’ve been searching for, but you’ll get some sort of relief just from speaking out loud. I cannot count how many times where I’ve hopped in my car and just started driving. Then I start talking which turns into crying. And then crying turns into silence. Pure silence. Either because I’m at peace from the relief or I am exhausted. But I know that if I have nobody else around me who will understand me and my emotions, I can always count on the power above.

I thank God everyday for life itself – no matter what I am going through, how much I may think life sucks or when I’m overly excited or happy about my successes or blessings. I know He/She is someone I can depend on. Weird to say since it’s not a physical person, but it is what it is.

So when you question if they really exist, believe me. They do. Whomever is up there watching over you, guiding you through your crazy, emotional, adventurous life… they got you forever. Just believe in it. Seek for it. Trust it. You’ll feel the difference once you do.

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